The Post-It Miracle

This week has been an incredible reminder of what a incredibly blessed life I live. Here is my story...

At the begining of this week I was at the end of my rope. Everything in my life was so dark, and my happy was no where in sight. To be honest, there was nothing going on that should have left me that down, but the combination of everying was nasty and hopeless. I was completely overwhelmed and unable to dig myself out. Silly me, of course I couldnt dig out on my own! I drove home BAWLING, called my good friend and just choked back the tears.  I got to work on Tuesday and I had to put my head between my knees to stop from crying at work. I had been pleading with My Father to release the bonds that were strangling my heart, but I was still bound.

Feeling nasty Tuesday morning I voiced one last plea before my students arrived in a few hours. That is when the miracle post-it entered my life. I vowed then to not just look for the positive, but search for it. Searching requires intense action and detication. I grabbed a post-it and decided I was going to document what I found on my quest. Nothing really changed... but everything changed.

My co-worker came in to complain and give me some bad news. I wrote down "My co-worker is comfortable sharing with me." A student came in an hour and a half before school starts, she was not supposed to be there yet and I still had a ton to do before my students arrived. I wrote down "My students know I am here to help them." The morning continued this way. Things were still nasty, but my perspective had changed.  I kept this special miracle post-it stuck to the underside of my desk. I didn't have time to document anything else, but I was more aware.

I know that I did not change my mind set on my own, and I know it wont keep without some serious work.  The complete night and day change was incredible. It is another testiment to me how much The Lord really loves me, not only did he bless me in my hour of need, but he placed many people in my life that I know were praying for me.

Things continue to me far from ideal, but they are so great! I have been blessed with a renewed desire to be happy and to recognize just how blessed I really am. WOW!

"Fear Not"

I don't quite know how to start this post, but I feel like I have so much I want to share. I had a friend ask me what my blog was about the other day and I said...well since I don't really have someone special to express my random ponderings to, I throw them out there into cyber space and hopefully someone listens (and let's be honest, sometimes I just need to vent.) He seemed bored, as I'm sure all of you are, but I am grateful for the oppertunity to self-reflect.

This morning I read an email from my little brother (He is currentlyt serving an LDS mission in guatemala.) I had been telling him how hard work has been because I work so hard and sacrifce so much of myself, but still seem to fail A LOT! It was extremely heart breaking for me, leaving me feeling empty and worthless. He responded with some very wise council that I know comes from a little brother who is completely deticated to The Lord. He said something to the effect that The Lord only expects us to do our best. If we are working our hardest and doing our best, then if failure still comes then it probably be "for our good" in the long run. The Lord see's the full picture, and he knows the end. If we are trusting in Him and doing our best, then everything the happens can be seen as a quest to help us become who He wants us to be. That put a lot into perspective for me. Looking back on my life and the moments when I have failed, they have brought me closer to My Savior. They have required me to learn and grow in way that, though painful, have helped me draw nearer to My God.

This also caused me to contemplate my biggest fear...failure.  Most of my shortcomings stem from the deeply rooted and crippling fear.  I once had a very dear friend of mine tell me that ALL fear comes from satan, it is not a power of Heavenly Father. The Lord does not want us to fear, he wants us to have faith. Now, I understand that aprehension happens, but the crippling fear that keeps us from achieving all The Lord has in store for us, is not of God. I feel that this fear of mine has hindered my life for so long that it is difficult to give up. It is something that I cling to like a security blanket.  I hope and pray that I can use the principle taught by my little brother, through the spirit to break the chains of my fears.

In this crazy world failure is eminent, but through He has promised us He will not let us fail if we trust in Him. I am working on understanding this concept and applying it to my life. I know he watches over me, even when I feel like a complete failure. He's got things under controll, even when I can't see where he is taking me. I am excited to see where He will lead me and happy to try to learn from my failure, not let the fear of it cripple me. 

The picture shown is one of my all time favotites by Greg Olsen. I love it because at different times in my life seen myself as one child or the other. At times, I am safe and content in the arms of My Savior. At other times I am failing, struggling to know who I am and to find my happy, that is when The Savior reaches down and pulls me to safety. 

HAPPY LOVE DAY

I think that being around children who are still super pumped all the time makes me unable not to be excited as well. I am so excited to celebrate the people I love in my life on that special day. When making valentines with my fantastic roomies I started thinking about everything I love. For those of you crazy enough to endure my rantings, this is the list I came up with...

- Eating ice cream right out of the bucket.

-Brushing my teeth in the shower.

-Chocolate snack pack pudding cups!!!

-Those tender mercies that let me know my Heavenly Father loves me.

- A bubble bath while reading a good book and eating otter pops.

-Wishing on stars...but seriously.

-High School Musical dance parties with my BFF sister

-When my grandma tells me that everything is going to work out all right.

-My fuzzy star blanket and teddy bear

-Donut runs with my Dad.

-Giggling at chick-flicks

-Kissing someone who I know loves me, and loving him back (Granted, I don't have this in my life right now, but I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to experience that feeling.)

-Singing hymns at the top of my lungs on the top of my waterfall.

-The group of special angles I call my best friends who have helped me through so much and enabled me to become who I am today.

-The simple personal revelations that help me gain spiritual acuity.

-The ability to put names in the temple when I feel completely useless in so many situations.

-Being barefoot!!!!

-Leaning my head back and taking a deep breath

-Happy Flowers (aka gerbera daisies) Okay, maybe I just love receiving flowers.

-Playing with my Mom's hair (quite possibly the most comforting and supportive place on the planet.)

-Laughing my guts out with my co-workers.

-When my students succeed. (Or plan my future marriage...so funny!)

-Fueling our addiction (Downton Abbey and Kool-aide) with my amazing roomies.

-Recognizing the even though I am a stubborn reluctant servant of The Lord he still loves me enough to bless me daily in a way that I can see and understand.

WOW I AM SO BLESSED! Thank you to everyone I love or ever have loved. I am the person I am today because of you! HAPPY LOVE DAY!

An Unforeseen, and Sometimes Unwanted Blessing

I am in a terrible mood, so I shouldn't post, but I need to vent...again! Lately I have been in such a strange mood, probably due to multiple stresses that are going on in my world and the frail me not knowing quite how to deal. This mood is not new to me and it makes be feel so guilty in my needy-ness. To be completely honest, most of it stems from my lack of purpose at this point in my life. Those of you who know me well know that I derive most of my purpose by being needed by others, right now I do not feel needed on the level that I have come to rely upon, so I am left feeling empty. Now don't you fret, this feeling will not last long, I am not depressed or despairing, I'm just having a moment. 

This empty feeling has caused me to contemplate the true source of this feeling and the true reasons behind it.  In this reflection I have realized that it is a divine blessing. Not that The Lord ever wants us to be sad, but He does allow us to feel a certain way if it will propel us to reach our full level of greatness. Let me attempt to explain. This feeling if empty comes from not having someone to fill that role, I am happy, but something, no someone is missing.  I have been so incredibly bless to have had the opportunity to learn and grow from amazing people who, for a time partially filled this void, but again I am left wanting.  But deep down I am so grateful for this feeling of wanting. In the past I have really struggled with truly hoping for the possibility of finding my person because I did not feel that it was a possibility for me.  Now through much tender nudges of the spirit, I am beginning to hope for what I, for a long time, deemed impossible for me. Yes, I still struggle, and yes, I have no idea how I will feel when the choice is staring me in the face, but I feel I have made progress.

With this being said I feel like there are a few things that I have had to come to terms with, being an older single adult in this culture. My life is not what I had planned, but here it is. I have had to accept that I have a career. I am “successful” in the eyes of many. I have had to learn how to be financial independent. These are just a few of the things I have had to accept, though I never planned to tackle alone. These same personal realizations have also become trials. I find myself becoming a little stuck in my ways and creating a false checklist in my mind of the perfect man who will fit nicely into this world I have independently created.  A couple general conferences ago one of the apostles warned the men about his possibility. At that time I scoffed and agreed, now I find myself having to be careful not to fall into that trap. 

In all honesty I HATE being single. It is a difficult balance between total independence and desperation, but I don’t do well flying solo.  Now, I recognize that marriage is not all butterflies and rainbows (well as much as I can realize from a distance.) Trust me, I still have some serious apprehensions, but overall I am extremely excited... well I’m getting there. Recently I have had a few opportunities where I have had to make the “better” choice, (see previous post) when it comes to dating. When I saw this picture on facebook I almost cried because it is so true.  At times I just want someone to hold me and tell me that they realize that I am having a tough time, but I don’t just want anyone. I want this person to be the person I want to spend eternity growing and learning.  I want someone to take care of, and I selfishly want them to desire my happiness as well. 

Overall I am at peace. I can feel The gentle guidance of the Lord everyday. Things are not what I planned, but they are good. I have been blessed with an understanding and what I believe to be a righteous longing to find my eternal best friend. The person who will be my best teammate to serve The Lord, and encourage me to reach my full potential.  This is a blessing that I have never realized before, but I am so grateful.  WOW… I am blessed.

I'm Moving to Australia

Well kids, as much as I love my world, sometimes I have times like my recent nasty when things are just not good. I can never imagine myself doing anything but teaching, but right now it really bites! Now, I am not a fan of posts like this, but I just need a little vent session. So here goes... things Miss Keyes HATES!

1. Double birthday days, double assembly weeks.
2. Inside days...the end!
3. "Miss Keyes, Miss Keyes, Miss Keyes, Miss Keyes..."
4. My performance being judged solely on how my students do on a test. Breaking down sobbing when one of my students don't do as well as I know they can.
5. The constant gossip and false judgements that fly around the school.
6. The residue the red markers leave on my white board
7. Never stopping work! If I am not working, I'm thinking about work. I feel like my to do list is constant and ever ominous.
8. Kiddos that poke me to get my attention. YARG!
9.  Being ornery and tired all the time.
10. Announcements that last a million years at the worst possible time!

Okay, so I started this post when I was having a very very hard week. Things were nastily for a bit, and while the spring is ending up to be insanely crazy (science fair, state testing, clear creek, 5th grade play, ect.) things are going good. I survived parent teacher and my huge observation... success! I feel so blessed to have to opportunity to work with amazing people and an incredible environment.  To make up for the venting here are a couple things that happened this week that make me LOVE being a teacher:

1. Sincere thanks from parents. Them telling me that there students are happy and enjoy school.
2. My funny co-workers making faces at me through my window as they walk their students to lunch.
3. My nuggets telling me that I should grow out my hair so I can catch a prince like Rapunzel.
4. A students writing that she is successful in 5th grade because of her "nice, smart, (and pretty) teacher."
5.  A lil kiddo getting so excited when he can teach the class a math concept...good times.

Courage

In the recent past I have thought a lot about what it means to be courageous.  This may be because I don’t consider my self a very courageous person. I have never been asked to show any great courage.  My religion his never been openly attacked, I have never been faced with saving some one’s life, or accomplishing some great feat.  From most people’s perspective my life has been pretty easy, and I agree.  As I say in every post, I am incredibly blessed! Today I wanted to vent a little about how much courage it takes to do what is best.  So often we focus on doing what is “right”, these choices are the black and white, yes and no, choices we make where a clear “right” is present. Often times a clear “right” is not present and we are faced to do what is “best”, these choices are easy and most likely require, effort, pain, and courage.

In those moments when you are faced with something that from every point of view is good and right, but then The Lord steps in and asks you to choose what is best is when true courage is tested.  Courage is honestly some area where I do not excel, but I try to be grateful for the gentleness of my Heavenly Father in those moments.  Even though those times completely knock me off my feet and leave me feeling empty, I am constantly amazed at the tenderness of my Savior.  I once heard someone say  “every choice requires a sacrifice.” I completely agree! When The Lord asks you to choose what is “best” often times those sacrifices are very difficult to make because you are choosing to give up something that is good and possibly very dear.  I am not going to lie, sometimes having to make these sacrifices have left me bitter, hopeless and without faith.  I question sometimes why I have been required to make these sacrifices because to me, these are such good, incredible things in my life, why should I need to give them up?  I do not have the answers to many of these questions. All I know is that I only see a small portion of the picture and I trust that I can just do my best with what I have been given, even though I am such a little wimp.

I guess this reflection has been triggered by a recent event in my family who has shown incredible courage. I am so proud of them!  Both people involved have shown amazing courage. One person had to act on a prompting and the other has to recognize that it was from The Lord and cope.  WOW! I am so grateful for the people that set such great examples for me. Also, for the moments and people that have helped me become who I am today. Yup… I am blessed!

My Second Homestead: Room 237

So looking at these pictures I realized I have a very boring/plain classroom.  It works for us! Please understand that I took these pictures during recess when my students were away (so the chairs wouldn't be stacked.) That is why it looks extremely lived in, and not at all clean. Cut us a break!

Those of you who know me know that Stargirl is my favorite book of all time! Hence I am forcing my kiddos to love it as well. We read it as a class then, they write small acts of service they see on the suns.  They are so darling and kind to each other... most of the time.

So, this doesn't look like much, but I am feeling pretty good about it!  I am a firm believer that part of the problem with child literacy is access to text.  Well, thanks in part to my great grandparents,  my dear friend, and a lot of garage sales, hopefully my students will not have that excuse!

This is my "space".  There is an invisible line that the students are not allowed to cross. I often times have students ask "Miss Keyes, can I go in your space?"  Notice the large amounts of post-it notes (there are usually more) this addiction was inspired by my wonderful mentor! My students are getting wise to my forgetfulness. They will tell me something that is important then ask "Do you want me to write you a sticky?" They are way too patient with me.

This is my one semi-cutesy thing in my room.  I adore the message in this book. At the beginning of the year we wrote down mountains we were going to move that year.  Thanks to my incredible mom who made this little reminder for my students of their amazing potential... ok I need reminding all the days as well. 

This is the extent of my bulletin boards. I am not artsy, so this is what we get. I am not a fan of large extensive changes each month, so I just switch the posters to match what we are currently studying. Yup, I am no nonsense boring...deal!

Well, I thought I took more/better pictures. I hope this is sufficient to those of who have requested pictures of where I spend 70% of my life, and 95% of my thoughts.  I feel so blessed to work in such an amazing environment, with such amazing students! Yup...I am blessed!