Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Everybody's Got Something

Well kids, obviously I am avoiding work like the plague! So like it or not here comes another post. It has seemed after the excitement of Christmas was over the full weight of my nasty pressed on my heart. I became very lonely, even though I was surrounded by amazing people, and I was extremely sensitive to what I lack.  When I really think about it I want to just slap myself and say "snap out of it!" but that is hard sometimes. Often times I feel like the villain in Thor sucking up the dark matter with a giant syringe. I wish that I had one of those giant syringes that could suck the dark matter that is threatening to crush my heart!

I was talking to one of my favorite people the other day who really wants to have a baby, but is struggling to have that blessing. She said something like "It's always on my mind." I often feel like that! I beat myself all the time for skewing my focus on what I don't have, but have always wanted. It's a complex feeling, and I really don't know how to deal. The amazing thing is that I am slowly learning how to change my thinking.

This concept of suffering has really caused me to look inside, and outside myself.  I am now convinced that almost everyone is suffering in some way, big or small. It has been very therapeutic for me lately to try to guess what people are suffering with based on what little I know about them. It is one of my favorite games because it enables me to put thinks into perspective.

Honestly, so many people hide their nasty so well it makes me wonder sometimes. How amazing would it be if we could judge people not solely on their action, but on their motivations as well. We are all just trying to do the best we can with what we've got, and most of the time we see very little of what other people got.

Now, I have no idea what direction I'm going with this post. I guess I'm just feeling a little lonely and needed to vent a little to pull my head out of my heart...that's lame. So, I guess on this Holiday of parties and kissing (none of which I will be participating) I am going to make a resolution to stop focusing on what I lack, and just being there for others! I am extremely blessed, and have been even more blessed recently. The end!

Keyes Family Christmas "-isms"

I have the best family in the entire world. You would think that as we all get older that Christmas around the house would get a little quieter...nope! I'm pretty sure that things just get louder and more crazy! So this is a post dedicated to the amazing "ism" of my family's Christmas....

1. Each year we go look at the lights in Spanish Fork, but we don't just look. We SCREAM our own personal commentary. I'm sure all of of Spanish Fork luuuvs it! "USA...USA... U...S...AAAAAA"

2. I don't think I have danced any harder in my life, than Christmas morning at my parent's house. Grandma is a fantastic audience as we shuffled, dubstepped, head banged, and of course... Adam Sandler Haunakah sing-along.

3. Opening presents is always a riot! I get really excited about giving gifts. It is SO fun for me! I am kinda known to insist that everyone be silent, and I sit right in front of the person who I'm giving the gift to. Gifts in my family are not always your typical "ah, I drew there name, lets wonder wal-mart until something works kinda gifts." Very often the gifts that are given are extremely thoughtful and personalized. It is amazing to watch the extreme love that is wrapped up into these monetary items. There were quite a few tears this year. I think I was the biggest baby of the group, there may be a future post about this.

4. My family are just a bunch of big kids! Me and my little brother (18) played with his crash remote control cars in the kitchen, I attempted to beat my mom's high score on fruit ninja, all the while eating coookie crisps and pickles!

5. We always end up watching a movie Christmas day. This year it was Despicable Me2, but no family movie is complete without my two cuddle buddies, sister one, and sister two. The other night they stayed up until 1:30 laying on my stomach, all the while the brothers were downstairs yelling at the xbox (which still refuses to make Sarah a sandwich...ruude!)

Ah! There are so many more things I could list, but no one would want to read them all. It seems like this Christmas I have been exposed to many people who are very alone on this family holiday. It has made me even more grateful for the incredible place of love and support that I have in these 8 people. I love them all! They have all taught me so much, and I really strive to be like them when I grow up. I know that The Lord has blessed me to have these sweet angels to help guide me through this life. Sorry kids, again I'm the most blessed one!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

"Don't let them in, Don't let them see..."

So remember how I am a child at heart? Well I saw the movie "Frozen" last night and giggled through the entire thing!

There were many things things that touched my heart about this movie, but one in particular has been on my mind a lot. At one point in the movie one of the main characters is push to a point where she completely free's herself. She has lived her life up to this point shut up, hiding her true self, not allowing any one into her life. Then...BAM... she is free! I LOVE this moment! Her body language changes, she  holds her head high, and is truely empowered.

She goes on to sing an incredible song entitled "Let It Go." I have been thinking a lot about this concept of letting go, and it has always seemed so difficult.  Unfortunately there are a few things that I wish I could let go of, but it always seems easier said than done.

I have been pondering a lot about one aspect of letting go, and a combination of this movie, and a chat with a dear friend has opened my eyes to it's importance. I'm now convinced that the biggest thing holding us back from letting go is expectations. Think about all the expectations that are in your world. Expectations you put on yourself, expectations you have of others... expectations you have for your future. Now, while some of these expectations push us to be our best selves, most of the time they leave us feeling inadequate, or disappointed.

Consider living a life free of expectations for a moment. Instead of living constantly striving to live up to the expectations, and being disappointed when others don't live up to yours, live your life the very best you can at all times. If you are only striving to be your best self, than anything you are is enough cause it's your best. You are not overly concerned with what other's may expect you to be (or what you expect you to be.) The only thing you you are focused on, is living the best way you know how.

If you also live convinced that others are doing the same then the actions of others are always understood, even if they aren't what we may naturally expect. Then when someone does do something that kind, compassionate, of selfless you can see it with in all it's glory. You can celebrate, and find so much joy in the actions of others because it is not anticipated.

This is not an easy thing to achieve, and I plan to spend a lifetime working on it as part of my journey to become who I know The Lord wants me to be, but I'm so excited to work on it. I think that one of the most important things is to be aware of it. I am so grateful for the great joy that I find in these little nuggets of principle. I know that The Lord is helping me become more aware of who I need to be, and doable steps to get these. I am no where near where I need to be, but I've been so blessed in my journey.