Wow, It has been such a long time since I have posted, and there are so many things that I want to express. Sometimes I feel like this blog is my arena to be myself, and say everything that I want to say and have some one hear. A pure and productive vent that lifts me more than anything else. So please indulge me because this post will not be much different.
Since my last post a lot has happened. My dear sweet grandma broke her leg again. I ache for her everyday. She has been probably my biggest support, now I am at a loss to how I can strengthen her. While sitting in the hospital with her I saw so many little episodes of charity, pure love. My uncle was also diagnosed with severe cancer. A fact that, to be honest, I choose to ignore because it makes me so sad. I also started my second year of teaching. I feel inadequate each and every day, but I am grateful to still be learning so much. I was also called into the relief society presidency in my ward. Yes, I again am not adequate in any way!
Now let me get to the true point of this post. All of these things mentioned above pretty much happened at the same time. All of a sudden I felt like The Lord was asking me play several different roles, all of which required 100 percent of myself. It was not like any of these roles were bad, or not completely wanted, but in other circumstances I would have devoted myself completely to each one of these roles, giving everything, and leaving little extra. Now I was asked to juggle. I am NO good at juggling. I wore myself out trying to be everything to everyone, and became bitter and empty. Please don't think me saintly in any way, that is NOT what I am trying to say.
Amid all this turmoil of my heart, the first day of school happened. If you want a whirlwind of crazy, try starting a 9 month long marathon of stress with 30 10-year-olds. Good times! I was really struggling because I felt that there were so many other places I wanted to be and I knew once school started it would take up most of my time. So there I was, teaching my guts out when a familiar face popped in my door. I couldn't quite place her, but she handed me a beautiful orange daisy and left. I quickly set it on my desk, and continued whatever monologue I was giving.
I later opened the card that read the simple words "I hope you are having a great first day!" It was from the most fantastic man in my life right now, but aside from the adorable gesture from someone I care so dearly about that daisy became a symbol of perspective. It reminded me that there was a positive side to every situation. (p.s. He had his cousin deliver the flower.)
Now I understand that the issues I am facing are nothing compared to most everyone else in the world, but the principle is true. I had a very real choice, focus on the negative and everything I was lacking, or focus on the good no matter how small. Seeing that daisy on my desk each day reminded me to check myself, and realign my thoughts to what I should be dwelling upon. I should always be dwelling on how The Lord blesses me every day! He has put incredible people in my world who help me learn and grow. He has given me opportunities to serve those I love, and learn to love/serve others. He has given me a place to share my talents, even those talents I am currently working on gaining. He has given me the knowledge of His gospel and an adjoining testimony. Above all he has given me the atonement, which allows me to receive comfort and forgiveness for my shortcomings. I am so weak, and am constantly not living up to the roles that he has asked me to fulfill, but I think He knows I am trying and that is enough for Him. Now I am faced with the task of convincing myself of this, but I am working on it through applying the principle of the daisy. Focusing on the simple, but positive aspects of life that out way the negative if we let them. I am so blessed.