Sunday, May 20, 2012
About a month and a half ago I had a very innterresting experience with love. I was planning on blogging about it, but never got around to actually writing it down. I have no idea why this experience was so mind blowing to be, or why I feel the need to tell the 5 of you who actually look at my blog, but here goes.
It all started up and in Mantua where I was visiting my Mom's parents (yes, my grandparents.) I got a call from my other grandma's best friend in Orem telling me that my grandma had fallen and that the parametics were working on loading her into the ambulance. Now pause, if any of you know me well, you know that my grandma is not just my grandma, she is one of my best friends in the world! We hang out all the time and just that morning were planning a road trip together. This news of her falling was huge! I set the phone down and started bawling. I called the temple to put her name on the prayer role and could barely speak. At that moment I was completely helpless, and I hated it!
On the 100 mile drive to see her I didn't know what do to. I was hurting so badly and could do nothing, so did what I have done for 13 years now, I leaned on my people. Within seconds I had texted my best friends, now scattered across the country to ask for their support and prayers. Part of me felt stupid leaning on them for such a, what would seem to be, trivial matter, but deep down I knew that they know me so well that they would do anything for me. As I recieved text back telling me that they had just then started praying, and expressing how much they loved me I couldn't contain my joy. I can think of few blessings that have been as influencial to my life as these girls have been. I love them with all my heart, and regardless of where they are in their lives, I know they truely love me and I love them.
As I got to the hospital and saw my sweet grandma laying there scared, my heart was full. She is my biggest fan, and greatest support. I hugged her, kissed her, and held her hand as the nasty news kept coming. I cannot express how much she means to me. For some stupid reason she thinks that I take care of her... WRONG! She takes care of me in more ways than I will ever be able to repay. Seeing her there made me realize even more what an incredible blessing she is in my world. I need her! My love for her was fully realized and I am so grateful for the oppertunity to love her as I know very few grandaughters understand.
As we sat there waiting for news the doctor came in and told us about the sugery, and recovery. Amid the bad news I was blessed with a calming understanding that everything was going to be alright. This love from the ultimate source of love was undescribable. This reasuring prompting was mind blowing. I sat there, took a deep breath, and squeezed my grandma's hand. In later conversation I was able to tell her about this feeling and it has carried us both through this long recovery, so far. I am so grateful for the love that I feel from My Lord. I cannot express it here in words, so I wont even try, but that is the hugest blessing that I have in my life. I cannot imagine the despair that I would constantly feel if not for His tender love.
My last experience on this journy with love came from a very silly source. Before all this happened some of my favorite girlfiends had planned a night out. Because I basically lived at the hospital at this time I didn't know if I was going to make it. Then my crazy grandma wouldn't eat anything, so I made her a deal if she would eat some soup I brought her, I would go with my girlies to a movie. Silly yes, but it's how we roll. The movie we saw was a super sap called The Vow. It wasnt my favorite movie of all time, but it caused me to have another experience with love. As I watched this extremely devoted husband fight for the love he once had with his wife I longed for that depth of love in my life. This longing has been felt more and more lately and I am so grateful. I have struggled with truely desiring marriage in the past, but I am working on it. Through the tender care of a few extremely great men who have showed me what it feels like to be loved, I can now say that I am closer than I have ever been to deeply wanting that for eternity.
Now this may be the longest post, but it was a journey that I will never forget. To have all those experiences with love all in one week was exhausting, but purifying. I realized a lot about myself, and the relationships I have with those around me. It also caused me to realize, once again, how truely blessed I am to have these oppertunities. Thank you for everyone who has been patient enough to love me. I do not feel I deserve this incredible blesssing, but I am so incredibly grateful for the peace it brings to my heart.