I don't quite know how to start this post, but I feel like I have so much I want to share. I had a friend ask me what my blog was about the other day and I said...well since I don't really have someone special to express my random ponderings to, I throw them out there into cyber space and hopefully someone listens (and let's be honest, sometimes I just need to vent.) He seemed bored, as I'm sure all of you are, but I am grateful for the oppertunity to self-reflect.
This morning I read an email from my little brother (He is currentlyt serving an LDS mission in guatemala.) I had been telling him how hard work has been because I work so hard and sacrifce so much of myself, but still seem to fail A LOT! It was extremely heart breaking for me, leaving me feeling empty and worthless. He responded with some very wise council that I know comes from a little brother who is completely deticated to The Lord. He said something to the effect that The Lord only expects us to do our best. If we are working our hardest and doing our best, then if failure still comes then it probably be "for our good" in the long run. The Lord see's the full picture, and he knows the end. If we are trusting in Him and doing our best, then everything the happens can be seen as a quest to help us become who He wants us to be. That put a lot into perspective for me. Looking back on my life and the moments when I have failed, they have brought me closer to My Savior. They have required me to learn and grow in way that, though painful, have helped me draw nearer to My God.
This also caused me to contemplate my biggest fear...failure. Most of my shortcomings stem from the deeply rooted and crippling fear. I once had a very dear friend of mine tell me that ALL fear comes from satan, it is not a power of Heavenly Father. The Lord does not want us to fear, he wants us to have faith. Now, I understand that aprehension happens, but the crippling fear that keeps us from achieving all The Lord has in store for us, is not of God. I feel that this fear of mine has hindered my life for so long that it is difficult to give up. It is something that I cling to like a security blanket. I hope and pray that I can use the principle taught by my little brother, through the spirit to break the chains of my fears.
In this crazy world failure is eminent, but through He has promised us He will not let us fail if we trust in Him. I am working on understanding this concept and applying it to my life. I know he watches over me, even when I feel like a complete failure. He's got things under controll, even when I can't see where he is taking me. I am excited to see where He will lead me and happy to try to learn from my failure, not let the fear of it cripple me.
The picture shown is one of my all time favotites by Greg Olsen. I love it because at different times in my life seen myself as one child or the other. At times, I am safe and content in the arms of My Savior. At other times I am failing, struggling to know who I am and to find my happy, that is when The Savior reaches down and pulls me to safety.