Sunday, October 11, 2015

It's okay not to be okay

It's interesting how things can completely open your eyes and stop you in your tracks. Recently my best friend, and man who holds my heart, was faced with a horrific tragedy. The aftermath of this tragedy has left me raw and feeling extremely useless. It was one of the most painful things I have had to face watching him go though the grieving process, while dealing with my own. 

It was extremely heartbreaking to see this giant of a man cower to the magnitude of the pain one moment, and push that aside to be what his family needed, and often times the support I needed in another. Even though it has now been 3 weeks since this life changing event, it is not over. The feelings of being ussesless was have not subsided. He is broken, his family is broken, and I don't know how to help them as they pick up the pieces. 

This has caused me to step back and think deeply about the principle of hope. The capstone of this tragedy was a lack of hope. It was a feeling of despair that could not be overcome. I also realized that we need to search for hope, because often it is not readily there. 

This realization has allowed me to see the unseen love that we all have behind us. There really are many more people than you think in your corner. There are many people that would do anything to help you find joy, because you have done this for them. The scope of your effect for good goes far beyond what you see, and that should foster hope. 

Second, sometimes things are just not okay, and that is okay. Things can get really nasty and you are not kidding the ones that love you by putting on a butterfly and rainbow face. I recognize that the "fake it tell you make it" principle is extremely helpful and necessary, but you have people abound you who love you deeply. They want to be there for you. Although, they may be completely lost as to how to fill that role. 

Lastly, there are unseen blessings everywhere when you look for them.  Joy and hope can be found even amid extreme  sadness. Sometimes you really need to look hard, but it's there. I've observed many moments of hope these past few weeks which have been incredible. That being said, even though these moments come, they do not completely fix the pain, and that is okay. 

Bottomline, many times recently I have felt like an invisible bystander watching the ones I love go through tremendous pain, but unable to do anything . This has been hard, but I'm grateful for the insights that it has blessed me with. I hope and pray that I can be the person that those I care about need. I plead daily that I can draw myself closer to that person. I feel blessed to be striving to help those around me feel the love of my savior. It is okay not to be okay, and search for hope.

 The wishbone has come to represent hope amid the nasty for me. It is broken with the understanding that it will bring joy as our wishes do come true... Eventually. 

Monday, March 9, 2015

Simple Words, That Change the World

I don't have a lot to say, but I wanted to post anyway.  This may be due to the fact that I have a student teacher and I am avoiding the little amount of work that I could be working on.

I'm not really in the mood to write about this, but here it goes. I've made a wonderful conclusion lately. I feel like this discovery could completely change the world! This may seen simple to everyone, but the practice has been lost. My revelation is this....

One of the most attractive qualities in a person is that they are willing to humble themselves to say thank you, and I'm sorry...the end.

Now these words are simple, but they hold so much great value. These words, when said sincerely, convey so much!

They let a person know; I see you. I see what you are doing for me. I see that this may have not been something that you wanted to do, or that came naturally, but you did it anyway. I recognize that you are thinking of me. I appreciate you. The act being thanked doesn't really matter as much as the sincerity behind the words. I have recognized lately how important those small words mean to me. I was contemplating the real reason behind why. It is because I serve and work just to receive some recognition, but I don't think that is it. I'm still wrestling why I think that being grateful to others holds so much value to me, but I struggle to put it down in words. I'll keep chewing on that question. All this being said, I have also come to realize that being appreciative also has a lot to do with your personal habits. Some people are great at this habit, while others are very terrible. I am working on recognizing that it is not as valuable to others as it is for me, but it's been a challenge. Bottom line, I feel that you can say a lot by just acknowledging those who are around you.

Saying I'm sorry is something that I have been accused of being too good at in the past. I can totally see where they are coming from. I am such a people pleaser that I feel sincerely guilty when I cannot please the people around me. It has become a true stumbling block of mine. On the other hand, there are times when I know that I have hurt someone and it is difficult for me to approach them. Sincerely apologizing puts you as a person in a very venerable place. It allows others to see that you are not perfect (news flash, they already know!) but seriously, it is difficult to admit to fault. While it may highlight a weakness, it also establishes a pattern of humility. A recognition that we are all working and striving to become better. It would be amazing if when confrontation arose that we could be willing to admit even some part of wrong and approach them person humbly. I think a lot of problems would be resolved a lot quicker.

What a wonderful world would it be if we were able to forget ourselves completely and recognize the incredible blessing that others are in our world, and to be humble enough to acknowledge when we have in someway hurt those precious blessings.  So be aware that most people are dealing with some type of crisis, everyone is doing the best they can with what they've got, and that we are all children of a loving Heavenly Father, who wants all his children to see the best in one another.