Sunday, January 26, 2014

So Why Don't We Belive Him?

So this may be a day were I post is rapid secession. I have two principles rolling around in my mind that I want to share, so bare with me.  A short while ago I had a friend give me a token that have come to mean a great deal.  I think that it may, or may not have been intended to express something different from their end, but for me it has come to symbolize something that I have been working so hard to truly realize, and I hope that I can express what is in my heart.  

For a long while now I have struggled to find my own self-worth, and have gone to the wrong sources to find it.  I define myself so much by the opinions of others, then I scoff when I receive a compliment because I know what is in my heart/mind and it is no where near where I believe it should be. Here is where the principle comes in. If people tell you that you are some thing, and if The Lord confirms it doesn't that make it true? To the everyday person the answer is easily yes, but to many of us it is absolutely true in regards to others, but not to ourselves. 

Now, the past little while I have had two very similar experiences with this idea. I was talking to one of my dear friends explaining how I am constantly plagued with a sense of inadequacy, and failure. I also told me how The Lord has blessed me with incredible angels in my life who seem to think that I am somethings greater. She asked a very important questions:

So why don't you believe them?

Now, I started ranting about how I am so weak, and I never seem to accomplish all that I need to do. She stopped me and asked me again, So why don't you believe them? I was stumped. Then as I hold this precious token in  the palm of my hand. Given so sincerely by someone who has always seen me with such purity, whom I hold so dear to my heart.  It has come to represent to me that I can become who I want to be because not only do those closest to me see that within me, but more importantly so does my Savior. 

I am so grateful for those in my world who see me for who I want to be, and not for who I am. The seem to see me with such clarity, and the see the good. I am eternally grateful for all those who believe in me even when I don't see it myself. So I ask you the same question, that I am striving to answer myself, why don't you believe those people who see your goodness? More importatly, why don't you believe the goodness HE see's in you?

Sunday, January 12, 2014

A New Aspect of Trust

This week I have been thinking of a concept that I am still really trying to wrap my head around. It is something that I plan on spending a lifetime trying to completely implement, but am so excited to try! The concept is that of trust. Now, trust is a very difficult concept for me, and this aspect of trust is even harder to accept for stubborn old me.

For all my life I have been taught to trust in The Lord, which is a principle that I also do not fully apply, but lately a good friend of mine brought to my attention that we must also "trust in the way The Lord made us." Now think about this for a minute, if you are anything like me I am constantly getting down on myself because I am not yet where I want to be. I am awkward, slow, indecisive, impatient, and extremely frustrating! I get so irritated because I am not anywhere near where I want to be, and progress is SO slow. I so often want to be as charming, funny, or helpful as the people around me, but as hard as I try to be like some one else, I always come up short.

The crazy thing is that I will ALWAYS come up short because that is not me. It will never be me because I am not them.  As hard as it is for me to swallow, I'm not supposed to be just like them. The Lord made me the way I am on purpose. He knows that I am weak and that I struggle, but he still believes me worthy of so many blessing. He still loves me far more than I love myself. It is amazing!

So my new goal is that when I start to rag on myself I am going to think of a new way to perceive trust. To not only work on my ability to Trust in my beloved savior, but trust in the way He has created me. Trust that if He loves me, with all my flaws and frustrations, then I should as well. I have been incredibly blessed to learn so much from so many great people, and I continue to learn. The Lord has seen fit to bless this work in progress far more than I could fathom, and I'm working believing that I deserve it.