Oh my word! My head is so full of stuff I just don't know where to start! I guess it doest really matter since there are so few people that actually read, and it's mostly for me anyway, so here goes.
Most recently I have struggled dealing with my feelings of self worth more that I have in the past. I seemed to be making such great progress, but now I am doubting that progress because when I have my shortcomings brought to my attention the still seem to bring me to my knees the same way they have in the past. It hurst so much to have people I care about see through my face, and it hurts even more when they feel that because I walk about it, they can talk casually about it. But bottomline, it hurts. I hurt. I am so incredibly broken, and I have left a trail of brokeness. I recognize this, and am trying to fix it but how! I want to be so much more than I am right now, I want to just hide! The kicker is that I don't think I am alone it this! Again, I ask why can't we just assume that people are trying to do their best, and support eachother with compasion? I fully realize that I am not good at this, but I hope that I can. I hope and pray that if I have hurt you, or not showed you that I care in your time of need I am genuinly sorry.
This also brings me to my second question, how can I find an intrisic sense of self worth? I allow far too many people to have controll over how I feel about myself...why? YARG! Sorry for the vent, but it may be to if there are others out there feeling the same way, you are not alone. Please also know that it I can help in any way please give me a call!
THE REAL POST!
Ok, now for the real post. I have been meaning to post about this for a while, and maybe talking about this in my moment of sad will make me more attached to the principle that meant so much to me.
My entire life I have been trained to "live in the moment" that is a great principle, but it never really stuck. Then the other day I was talking to my good friend and she was talking about really really only focusing on what you can controll in the moment. I really stuggle with this. I have a constant list of tasks for every day, and another list of "what if" questions flowing through my messy brain. This concept of just focusing on what I can controll in the here and now is very difficult for me.
The amazing thing is that it works! When I am mentally healthy this is amazing! Now, I am not saying the the future doesn't need to be planned for, but to just breathe and remain in there here and now is incredibly liberating! TRY IT!
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