Sunday, April 27, 2014

An undeserved outpouring of love

It was my birthday this week, and I was showered with love from my family and friends. The most tender gift I recieved was a bunch of birthday letters collected by my dear sweet sister! 

I opened the box, and sobbed! The reasons that I was so emotional may not be exactly why you think.  I have really been struggling with feeling self worth, so my reactions were pretty intense. 

First, I honestly do not believe that I am who I need to be to the people who wrote me these letters. I have been so intensely overwhelmed lately with this feeling of extreme inadequacy. I put so much of my self worth into my being ble to be there for the people I care about, but lately I have felt that I am constantly failing! Seeing those letters was somewhat hard because I don't feel that I am living up to their praise. 

Second, because I have been feeling these feelings I also saw this outpouring as a direct communication from my savior in response to my feelings. 

I feel incredibly blessed by having this, and many other extreme outpourings as I am one year older and wiser too. I also feel so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people who see me at my best. I am also humbled to have a father in heaven who wants me to be my best. So, thank you to all those who see me not as who I am, but who I strive to be. I feel so blessed.